Polish Friends

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Don't even know what to say here :(

Hey everyone, I know it's been a while, and a lot longer than I even expected. I'm going to try and keep this short for you guys. Basically I hit an all time low in my life. I was diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety years ago. After trying a few different anti-depressant medications, I gave up. I also have pseudocholinestrerase deficiency, which is just a fancy word for the fact that my body is missing an enzyme that everyone else has, so my body doesn't break certain things down properly. So after trying a few different Rx's, and having them ALL make me so sick. I just stopped looking.

Well, I thought for years I had it under control, or maybe just dealing with it better. I'm not even sure what sparked it, but the depression hit me full force a few months ago. I just shut down from everyone. I'm sure it had something to do with just the fact that I had quit a few small and big issues come at me all at once. Now friends around me, didn't see anything, because I can hide it fairly well, especially with a drink, but not around my little girl, don't worry. Jack, was really the only one who knew. He tried so hard for me to get back to happy times, even trying to get me back on here for you guys, because he knew I loved it.

Well as much as I wanted to come back, since I was away for a while, my anxiety about this blog kicked in, SUPER bad. It may sound weird to you, but I actually felt as though I was no longer allowed to post, or even visit my own blog. Then since the anxiety was so bad and made me feel guilty, the depression got worse, and it became a big messy circle, that I couldn't get out of. I even stopped checking my email. That too, caused the circle to continue. 

I understand some of you may be mad, or even have unfollowed, or said some rather unpleasant things about me, and my disappearance. That is completely fine, and I don't judge at all. Everyone has the right to think what they want. I do apologize, and just hope you guys can understand even a little.

Now, am I back to normal, no, not at all, but I'm trying. Jack wants me to go see a different doctor, and start trying again, buuuuut my anxiety is so bad that I am even having a hard time just making the initial call. It's so frustrating :(

All I ask, is that you guys don't hate me, at least not forever. It is hard to understand and even explain. When I type this out, it sounds crazy, but it's exactly what I'm going through. If you guys could feel my heart right now, even as I type this out, and think about hitting send, you would think I had about 10 energy drinks 0_o

Not so short huh...... anyways, I will be back, but it might not be for another 2 weeks. Again, I am very sorry if I angered any of you, or let you guys down, I really didn't mean too, but can understand how some may think that.

Hope you guys are having a great day.
Erika

496 comments:

  1. Just make the call. TRUST ME. I promise it will be okay if you do. TRUST ME.

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  2. Erika, that was a very brave thing to speak out about your depression. Depression, in any form is something which takes time to recover from and it certainly doesn't happen over night. I speak from experience.

    You don't need to apologize, just concentrate on getting yourself better and when the time comes you are ready to blog again, then you will know. Nicole x

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  3. I love your blog! I would never un-follow! I can't say that I understand what you are going through because I don't. But I hope that things get better for you. I'm sending hugs and prayers your way! <3

    P.S. Your nails are gorgeous and you do the best manis I have ever seen!
    If you get a chance sometime check out my blog! http://nailinit-ashes.blogspot.com (Wasn't sure If i could post my link. Hope that's ok!)

    <3 Ashley

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  4. *hugs* You take care of you, that's what's important. I'm sure most of us have been there, I know I have. There are about a million things I could say, but right now can't think of how to word it correctly. We miss your awesomeness, and I for one, understand what you're going through. Sending lots of <3<3<3<3 your way!

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  5. You are not alone. Good for you for trying again... I know how frustrating it can be to feel like you've tried everything and the side effects make you feel even worse than before. I know about the guilt and anxiety of not keeping up with things. You don't sound crazy at all. You sound like you're trying, and that's fantastic. Take care of yourself and know that you're not alone.

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  6. We are here for you! Always! Take care of YOURSELF ... we're not going anywhere :)

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  7. Lots of <3! You do what you need to do to take care of yourself, your followers still love you Miss Erika! We will be here ready to read when YOU are ready to write again =]

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  8. I wish you all the best! That you find the power to fight the depressions again!
    It's not funny to suffer like this! So I hope you can find back to normal!

    I missed you! And I'm happy that you are still alive! :) Just take your time!

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  9. I don't see how anyone can hate you for taking the time out to take care of yourself. I hope things get better for you because I know I am not the only one rooting for you!

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  10. I'm sorry you have had such a tough road to travel lately. Take all of the time that you need to get yourself to a better place, I think the majority of us would never hold that against you.

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  11. Anyone who has unfollowed you is mad! Take your time. Take care of yourself and take baby steps,not massive leaps. These things aren't solved overnight!
    Lizzy
    xx

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  12. Make the call! You can do it! I hope it all works out

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  13. Proud and glad you're taking steps to take good care of yourself! You have an army of followers cheering you on right now!

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  14. I'm not really the persone that could come up with something usefull to say ( yea stupid me >.<)
    But I want to say I love your blog, I do follow more nail blogs but I really love yours the most. I just keep comming back, to chek your designs and I think I looked everywere for about a 100 times.
    And if people are really angry with you, they are just stupid, cause we have to be thankful you want to share your addiction with us. (you can be proud of yourself!!)
    I'm looking forward to new posts, but if you can't don't rush it ;)
    *huggles*

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  15. I am so glad you did post this, anyone I know who was posting about you was just worried, we didn't know what you were dealing with or what had happened. The most valuable thing I've come away with in this little 'obsession' of ours is a community of women who support and encourage each other through good and bad; know that mere readers like myself are pulling for you and as someone who has struggled with both depression and anxiety requiring medication myself I encourage you to keep fighting for the right combination of treatment and medication...it can be an exhausting process but worth it in the end. Just keep focusing on one thing at a time that works to your own wellness and don't look too far ahead. When this becomes a joy for you again we will be here to enjoy it with you.

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  16. Please take the time you need. I admire your blog and skills, so waiting a few more weeks is absolutely worth it. I wish you alle the best :)

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  17. I'm so glad to hear from you (((Big Bear Hug))) You don't have to apologize you come first before this blog. Please read Psalms 34:18 I'm glad you have support from your DH. Take your time and get well. I'll always be your follower :)

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  18. I have never commented on any blog before and i have about 90 in my Feedly. I just want to say that I know how you feel and how the avoidance of things that make you anxious just cycles back into making you even MORE anxious. You have provided the nail community with SO MUCH amazing information and beauty. The internet doesn't expire and your posts aren't going anywhere. It takes ZERO work to follow a blog....no matter how often its updated. You have hurt NO ONE. Post whenever you want and I, for one, will keep on following. Thank you for all of the awesome work you've done so far. Be proud!

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  19. Out of morbid curiosity, I went back to find what sorts of angry comments there may have been. SHEESH, it just never ceases to amaze me how people take some things WAY too seriously. (And also how many of those people post as "Anonymous." Shocker.)

    Hope you can get back to feeling "normal" as soon as you can, whether that means you appease our wish to see more great manis or not!

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  20. I wondered where you went! I'm so sorry you've been having such a tough time. :( Take care of yourself. I'm sure I speak for many of your followers and fellow bloggers when I say we'll be here when you get back. No worries, hun. :)

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  21. So glad you posted, I hope you are able to make the call soon. It will be OK. I love your blog and missed you but it's OK we all go through things and blogging, in the big scheme of things? Not really so important. And nothing so important that anyone has the right to be mad at you for not doing it.
    Hugs

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  22. Take your time, there are very serious life altering issues you are dealing with. I'm not dealing with any of that and still haven't posted to my own blog(busy reading everyone-yours included- else's) But I'm glad you made this post. It actually makes me want to make a post or two of my own. Take it one day at a time. Whenever you are back to posting, I'll be back to oooh-aaahing over what you post.

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  23. You still have followers that support you! Get better soon! <3

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  24. It breaks my heart to read this post. I'm a fairly new follower to your blog and I've always enjoyed seeing your beautiful tips.

    I've been battling with depression for the past 4 years (since my daughter was born), so I definitely understand how being depressed drives you deeper into depression. I've stopped doing the things I love as well - and ironically by cutting out things I love, it makes me more depressed. But I'm to depressed to do the things that I love which would help me out of the depression! I'm also in a very lonely place at the moment. It's a complicated battle that people who haven't struggled with depression just can't begin to understand.

    I hope you come to a place where you can feel content and begin to feel better again.

    Realize you're not alone and there WILL be a time when you aren't carrying around what feels like the weight of the world.

    -Danielle

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  25. I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of these issues. I really can relate and I know those who love you were just really concerned that you were ok and not mad at you. I'm just happy to see you are still around. I've missed you terribly but we all understand that life happens and there are more important things. i will be awaiting your return patiently and I hope you find a doctor that can really help you. We love you!!

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  26. Hey. I know that is not easy but I hope the day will come when you smile and you will return safely to us:) I do not think anyone was angry at you. I will certainly wait. Keep warm and I keep my fingers crossed for you. You will return when you decide it's time.

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  27. I am so sorry you've been having such a rough time, lady! Please take care of yourself and I hope you make the call soon. Your blog will continue to have a place on my list for as long as it's up so take as much time for your health as you need. <3

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  28. Honey, we love you. I hope you feel better, but take the time YOU need to get back up on your feet, and know that you are strong for fighting.

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  29. Erika, we're so glad you are OK! I kept checking your blog all the time for updates and everybody was really worried about you. It's very brave of you to post about your depression and anxiety. I hope you get better soon, just hang in there. We are all here waiting for you and your amazing posts :)

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  30. God loves you! When we are weak, He is strong, so rely on Him to get you through your struggles. You have taken the first step, by proclaiming that you have a situation that needs to be improved upon, and it was a very courageous and necessary step to take in the direction of recovery! Pray about the right doctor to choose, and treatment to pursue, and the Lord will bless your efforts. Good luck to you!

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  31. Hey, just wanted to post a quick comment to say I'm really glad you posted again. As someone who's struggled with depression and anxiety for the last 5 years, I definitely know what you're going through. I hope you find the help that you need soon.

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  32. I'm more a reader than a writer/poster but I hope you feel better soon. I wish you all the best and believe that you can make that call.

    Lots of love and a big hug!!

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  33. Do you know how happy your nail posts have made me even on days when I felt down? Thank you for making me smile and I'm smiling back at you! I'll keep my pretty nails crossed for you!

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  34. aww, it's so sad to hear all this, but you are incredibly brave to admit to it and post it here, it's often underestimated how much deppresion can affect our lives, hang in there and we look forward to your next post whenever your ready, look after yourself and know your in all our hearts : ) xx

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  35. Awww Erika, HUGE HUGE HUGS!!! I have some anxiety/anxiety attack issues from time to time and had depressing following my son's birth. I have a tiny idea of what it feels like but obviously not completely. I hope that you can make that initial step to go to a new doctor and work it out when you feel comfortable to do so. You will feel better and things will get better and until then just hang in there and hold on.

    I am completely disgusted that people would make bad comments or act like total jackasses because you took time off. There are so many of us that love your blog and were worried about you and genuinely care. Please don't let the evil ones get to you and know that we do support you. If it takes two weeks or two months we will still be here. You are amazing and extremely talented and we do miss you.

    Thank you for the update. I hope you start feeling better and things turn around for you soon. <3

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  36. Erica, thank u for sharing... i just wanted to say, that none of us hates you for not posting... take as much time as u need, will be here, waiting for you.. hope you will get better soon XXX

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  37. We don't hate you! We love you! Ignore the haters! We'll wait for you as long as you need <3

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  38. Take care of YOU! If your followers are any type of friend, they'll understand. I hope you're able to break your horrible anxiety cycle. I've been there - it sucks. Hang in there. We're rooting for you!

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  39. I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to write this an hit the send button. Forget what other people might think of you. Anyone who thinks badly is not worth your time or worry.

    Take care of yourself... for yourself, your little girl, your husband and everyone else who loves you. Don't give up as the only way you can find help is by continuing to look for it.

    Stay strong! We'll be here when you are ready to come back..

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  40. There are more people out there with depression than you know. You are wonderful for letting others feel comfortable with their problems. As I have always told my kids....EVERYONE has SOMETHING they struggle with. Some things are more visible/evident than others. Like diabetes, depression is invisible unless you know about it but they are both diseases. You lack an enzyme and diabetics don't handle insulin. Do what is best for you and your family....this blog is a freebie that you provide and we are grateful for any wisdom you impart. Be Well and don't worry about what anyone thinks here!!!

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  41. Please make the call. we don't hate you. <3

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  42. I understand how vicious a cycle depression and anxiety can cause.
    I can't speak for everyone, but I will never stop following your blog. You have the best nail designs.
    I miss you and am excited to know that you will eventually be returning, but you should just take your time.
    I hope you can get to an okay place soon~!
    <3

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  43. Ι'm a new follower since June/July and I was wondering why you stopped posting. I think that you're very brave speaking for your personal problem, the only think I can do is just say "don't give up, make that call, fight for yourself and for your life. You deserve to be healthy and happy"
    sorry for my English (I'm from Greece)
    Wish you from the bottom of my heart everything to go well and you to find yourself back.

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  44. Don't worry about what others think or say! Take care of yourself and I wish you all the best!

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  45. I honestly think your health is far more important than your blog. I know you feel bad, and I definitely understand about the anxiety, but there is no reason to feel guilty about being gone for so long. I can't believe anyone would fault you for taking a break when you need one, that seems so petty and ridiculous! Take all the time you need, you have a whole host of people patiently waiting.
    Best wishes

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  46. Keep fighting! We care about your well-being over number of blog posts. Take the time you need to feel better and know that your courage is admired. Looking forward to seeing more amazing ideas you have for us... but when you're ready :)

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  47. I wish you nothing but the best. Please do whatever you feel is best for you and for your family, and take care of yourself.

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  48. I have been so worried about you! look at all the comments you've gotten so far from people who love you and your blog! try not to listen to the negative people-they have nothing better to do in their lives than to dis others. Even with your absence-people have still looked at your blog-wished you were ok and hoped that someday you'll be back to wow us all with your awesome manis! You are one of THE top blogs out there-you make so many people happy and want to try your design ideas! I miss emailing with you. You were my first follower on my blog! We will be here whenever you are ready to come back. If you need anything-you have my email!! you are so awesome and you will get through this.

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  49. Ooh, darling, of COURSE we don't hate you because of your MIA. We miss you, but your health comes first, and there is no reason for you to feel bad about not bloggig. I'm sending you positive thoughts and I trully hope you'll get better soon, for yourself, not for the blog. *hug* Be strong, don't be afraid to take time for yourself!

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  50. Please, make the call. We don't hate you. We couldn't possibly hate you. You're a human being, and as such you are allowed to take breaks, and rest, and be in pain, and everything else people do.
    No one has the right to make you feel bad about taking time for yourself. Your time is yours, not ours, we only enjoy the fruits of your labor when you allow us.
    Please, please make that call. Not for us, not for the blog - for yourself, first and foremost, and for your family too. You have a man who loves you and a little girl for whom you are the world. You deserve hapiness. Take the steps you need to feel again the happiness you deserve. If medication doesn't work, maybe therapy will work? Take care of yourself. We'll wait as long as needed. Your (mental) health should come first.

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  51. Never commented before, but just wanted to say best wishes for continued improvement, and also SUPER kudos to Jack for supporting you. Sounds like a keeper!

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  52. Please take care of yourself and your family first :-) We will still be here if and when you come back, still ogling your gorgeous nails :-)

    Sending big hugs your way.

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  53. It is wonderful to hear from you! What a great surprise to see you back to blogging!

    You don't owe anyone an excuse to anyone. I think we're all happy to have you back!

    I'm sorry about the things that have happened... I've been there myself, about 4 years ago, and it was bad. Let's just say I'm thankful to still be here.

    Welcome back and please continue to post your beautiful nails!

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  54. Just don't give up, it wil get better...trust me xxx

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  55. How could anyone be angry because of this without a second thought? I knew you had a good reason for this and I hope you get good medicine. You're already brave for going to a doctor and getting diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

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  56. Don't worry, everything will be alright!!!

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  57. my friends are non-existent to me now because I have the same vicious circle happen to me. I'm glad to see you beginning to pull yourself back out and I really look forward to seeing you post again. It will help. And we're all here to give you love and support. We all understand that this kinda stuff happens.

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  58. I thought you were on long vacation, traveling or something like that....I hope you get better soon and come back with your inspiration to everyone wanting to do something pretty with their nails. I would recommend doing yoga or something with the sports as that always helps releasing the happy hormones into our bodies :)

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  59. Oh how I understand the Anxiety/ Don't Do cycle. It sucks, I'm sorry. It's so wonderful that you have support around you.

    Take care, and please come back when you're ready. That's the good thing about having your own blog- nobody is paying you to be here. ;)

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  60. Get better soon and ignore all the mean comments out there! your health comes first, so take good care of yourself and all the time you need! :)

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  61. Your blog is still amazing even if you haven't posted in a while, and if someone is saying something bad about you because life happened they don't deserve to follow your blog and its good that they deleted themselves! The first step is the hardest (although you have already been there before, its a new start all over again), make th phone call, it will all be worth it in the end. Research for a better doctor and never give up, your happiness is everything. You are in my prayers. Don't be anxious about your blog or let it cause stress, we miss you but want you to be happy and healthy more, so take your time and take care of you :)

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  62. As the weeks went on with no new posts I definitely wondered if something bigger was going on in your life. THANK YOU for sharing it with us, and for trying to get better. Everyone struggles with something in their lives, and it is good to share it, and let others support you --- clearly you can see by the comments that others care about you and your happiness!

    So, do what you need to do, and know that we'll be right here waiting to see and share your new ideas and progress =) Never be afraid to just be YOU.

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  63. Oh, Erika. Don't ever apologize for not posting in a while. You don't owe any of your readers a blog post! We're happy when you do post something but it's YOUR blog, meaning you post at your own pace, what you want and when you feel like it. We won't like this blog any less! :) And - as others have already said - congrats on being strong enough to tell us all about your depression. It's so hard to talk about it, I know. I hope you can heal soon. Know that we're here for you and sending kind thoughts your way.

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  64. ((((big hugs))) i totally understand what youre going though hun,i have post natal depression after having my little girl and i know how shut off from the world you get.

    Its hard making the first call but once you do that will be a weight off your shoulders. I think you very brave for speaking out about it but you dont have to explain yourself to anyone and anyone who should un follow you or even hate you is not worth thinking about.

    Please get better first before worrying about us,well still be here.

    Sending lots of love xxxxxx

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  65. Hugs to you Erika! Your health and your family's happiness is more important than this blog. Take all the time you need and know that we sincerely care about your well being and appreciate the update.

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  66. Oh, I don't hate you at all! I am very glad to hear from you again and I am sorry you are going through such a hard phase in your life. I can not even imagine how hard it must be for you to get stuck in such a negative circle. I experienced something similar (absolutely not comparable in any way) with fainting, it caused me to not wanting to shop anymore and so on.. I can only hope for you you'll get a break from this and hopefully another doctor can do something for you. Don;t feel pressured to blog at all in a negative way, just know we are here for you to support and love when needed. At least I know I'll be doing that!

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  67. Hope you feel better soon. I think we have to remember a blog is not a job it's supposed to be fun and something we do when we have time. I love reading your posts and hope you feel like posting soon but no pressure ;)

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  68. You are in my thoughts and prayers. You aren't alone in this, and you are loved for much more than your fabulous nails.

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  69. I was so happy when I saw my blogroll and found out you made a new post :)
    I was really worried something terrible happened to you, and honestly, I'm so happy you're alive.

    I can't say I know at first hand anything about clinical depression, but I want you to know that we love you and I'm so thankful that you decided to share this with us.

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  70. Reading this was like reading something out of my own head. I had the same thing happen to me, except mine wasn't a blog but my etsy shop. Don't ever think you're being judged for your depression, anxiety or taking a break from the site or the internet in general. What's important is finding a way to feel better! It will happen for you, you just have to keep searching for the right meds. Making the appt is so hard! It took me months to do it, even though I knew I had a major history of depression/anxiety and I knew that was the only way I'd get better. Most of all remember, you are NOT alone, no matter what your brain tells you. I swear, you and I must have the same thing going on in our heads... actually, how dead on your post was is kind of freaky for me.
    While I was waiting for my meds to take effect and waiting for the doctor appointment, I noticed drinking "Get Happy" tea by the Republic of tea really helped. It still boosts my mood, even now with the meds working. It's kind of expensive but try it. Maybe it'll work for you and lighten the weight on your shoulders a little. It has St. Johns Wort and Lemon Grass in it, but I think the lemon grass is what makes it work so well.
    I'm so sorry you feel this way. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it yet. I promise. You just have to keep walking towards it.

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  71. *big hugs* Take all the time you need to get better, and I'll be right here waiting for you when you get back :)

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  72. Erika!!!! We will be here waiting for you... as long as it takes! I wish I could help, but my I've been very lucky with my treatments for various things working. The only thing I've had problems with is pain management, and I can't give up on that! I hope you find something soon! No one deserves to be in that kind of pain! I'm here if you need someone new to talk to. Take care and GET BETTER SOON!!!!!!!!!! <3

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  73. EEEEKKK YOU DONT KNOW HOW EXCITED I AM TO SEE THIS UPDATE I THOUGHT YOU FORGOT ABOUT US!!!!
    I am sorry you are suffering from all these troubles but I wouldn't dare unfollow you I cant wait to start seeing your tape manis again for this is where I get ALL my tape mani Inspirations

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  74. Never a bad word Erika! I have been coming back and patiently checking to see if you've had a new post...I'm so sorry you are going thru this. But if you really need the help, you should make the call and take it. I will still be patiently waiting here, as a follower, for your return :)

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  75. Erika, I hope you are seeing how much support and love you have! All anyone hopes is for you to get better and you NEED to see a doctor to have that happen. I know it's scary and you're afraid but the right medication can work wonders for you. You are very loved and appreciated in the nail community, no one expects you to post everyday so please don't feel you HAVE to do something.

    I wish for you to take care of yourself first before you think of others. I will pray for you and I hope through my prayers you find the strength you need.

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  76. there's really no need to apologize for you! You're going through this all, and you're suffering, so all we can do is support you. There's nothing bad to say about you!
    I really hope you'll be better soon, and that it will all work out for you.
    Till then, I'll be waiting for your updates, and will never stop checking your blog.
    It's so great that you wrote all of this to us, and all I want to do now is comfort you.
    :) <3

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  77. Hi there, i hope you have alot of support as that's really important. I had depression before i became pregnant with my daughter and then it became full blown post natal depression. I had anxiety too. I finally got help about a year ago when my daughter was around 2 and was put on anti depressants which i really wanted to avoid but didn't see any other way to be a good mum. Everyone get through it and deals with it in there own way but you are not alone. If you feel like you need someone to talk to that has been through it and is still going through it, feel free to email me. All the best x

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  78. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
    Hang in there and call a doctor. Any doctor even! As painful as it is for you, it's just as painful for your family because they can do nothing to pull you up out of the hole you're in. Please. Take care of yourself. If you had strep throat you'd go to the doctor- this is no different. Your daughter needs you. She needs to learn from you that when your mind or body are ailing you do what you can to get well.

    We'll all be here when you come back :)

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  79. Hey, i was so delighted when i saw your post come up on my google reader. You are so wonderfully brave to have made this post.I can well understand so much of what you have written and you are certainly not alone in your battle but yes depression is a lonely place. I wish you all good & hope things ease up for you. Huge hugs

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  80. There's really not much I can say that all these other ladies havent already said! Welcome back, Erika - we really did miss you!
    I really hope you get better soon, take all the time you need to recover. Just remember that we are all thinking of you. You're in our prayers!
    I cant begin to tell you how much you've inspired me and I think you are amazingly talented. Cant wait for when you start blogging again.
    All the best, Love and Hugs xoxoxoxoxo

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  81. You're still in my reader! Hang in there and it looks like a lot of us will be waiting to see your newest creations...when you are ready, of course!

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  82. There is no need to apologize to anyone. Take care of yourself and your family first. When you're ready for the blog again, you'll know, and you'll always have lots of supporters who appreciate all the fabulous manis you do.

    Sending lots of good wishes your way.

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  83. You do not need to apologize for taking care of yourself. I cannot say that I understand what you are going through, but i understand it's hard. We have all been through something. Just take your time, Don't let any negative or mean comments bother you. Those people don't matter, Just take the time to get yourself better. If you can come back with your beautiful nails, if not thats ok too. Just as long as you are ok.

    Would never unfollow you over an absence from blogging, We all have our own lives, and our lives come first. I will be here ready to read when you are ready to come back.

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  84. Kudos to you for speaking out about your depression!

    Take care of yourself first and foremost! Don't worry about what others may think or say, because all that matters at this point in time is you and getting YOU better! Your true friends and followers will hang out and wait for you! :)

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  85. This post has brought tears to my eyes, I know exactly how you feel. I was diagnosed with depression last year, I was a mess, I couldn't function properly and was constantly crying. It is horrible, everything seems to go around in a circle, nothing seems to get better and you feel like everyone thinks you are stupid because they can't feel how you feel and when you try to explain, you can't even begin to express how much it hurts inside. My advice, go see your doctor again. Get them to prescribe you medication again and stick with it. I'm on citatalopram and it took a good few weeks for anyone to notice any difference with my behaviour. I didn't notice much but within a couple of months after getting used to taking the medication I suddenly realised that I felt a lot better. Not perfect but I wasn't resenting myself in the same way as I was. I'm still not ready to come off the medicine but I am a LOT better now. I also went to see a phychiatrist, sounds scary yes but you can tell them whatever you want. It was like a councilling session for me, he didn't go reading into my thoughts and getting all medical on me. It was a way of getting everything off of my chest and he gave me some tasks to do to help take a look at my life and feelings. It was good because he was a professional and wasn't going to judge me like anyone else would. It takes a lot of time to overcome depression, it is hard and you need the support. Depression never actually goes away, it is always there underlying and can come back at any time but once you notice it next time you can get help before it escalates again. It will get better, trust me :) xx

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  86. You don't need to apologize to any of us, thank you for trusting your followers with this story and I am sorry you are going through this. Keep in mind that we are thousands of people reading this post and supporting you and personally, I just want you to take that first step towards a better well-being. I don't hate you and MANY of us are not capable of that, we love you and support you. Take much care. I've missed your posts. Hugs from CA,
    -Carol

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  87. So sorry to hear that, I too suffer from anxiety so I totally understand you... as for the stupid people that judged you before they know what was going on, it's their loss, not yours... it takes alot of courage to come out and be honest with something as personal the way you did. You're definitely in my prayers and I won't stop checking on your blog everyday. Sending you virtual hugs :)

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  88. We ain't mad at cha. Just missed you a lot! You get to feeling better! Even if we don't KNOW I think most of us can understand.

    Welcome back,
    Typhoid_Holli :0)

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  89. This was very brave of you that you decided to share it with us. I really hope you will get better, I miss your posts. You don't need to apologize there will always be people patiently waiting for you. Hugs

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  90. Stay strong <3 Your readers are here to support you, and you don't need to apologize for something that is not your fault.

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  91. Oh Erika it's so nice to hear from you! Welcome back! We ALL missed you ;)
    Don't worry about what others think or say. This is YOUR blog and you are 100% free to do what you want with it. Don't worry about being judged; the ones who do that have no right to. You are highly creative and we love you, no matter what you do or how you feel. You are not alone. Many people suffer from depression. I've suffered severe depression most of my life, have tried to hide it thanks to my numerous masks and fight it daily, well at least I try to :) You needn't be ashamed about it because it hurts even more when you deny it.
    If you ever feel like talking about it, even if you don't know me, I'm here :)

    Love Emilie

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  92. You were so brave to come out about that! I know what you're going through, I've suffered from manic depression for years, and I know the struggle it takes just for the simplest of tasks, but I'm glad you're getting back on the horse and trying.

    Welcome Back!

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  93. It's funny because I don't know you personally.. and I don't know if you read all these posts. But I also have anxiety attacks and I know how hard every little thing is to do. Just daily things that other people take for granted.. like calling a doctor. I had to call my baby girl's daycare lady for the first time.. It took me 3 days just to pick up the phone. Still I don't know you, but I am so proud of you for writing this. I just want you to know that DON'T think about the blog and get better first. It shouldn't be a chore but something you look forward to. And I'm guessing you have a lot on your mind right now. Lotsa hugs from me.

    Sussi

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  94. You should always come first, for yours and your family's sake. Please make that call, I had to once and it was the best thing I ever did. xxx

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  95. I think you are very brave for posting about something so personal, and to let people know they are not the only ones that go through things like this.I am glad to hear from you, and not upset for your absence. Hang in there and take care of you first.

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  96. Love your blog! I wish I had the dedication and motivation to even blog. I hope you feel better, anxiety is a terrible feeling most people dont understand it. Not sure of what your religion may be, but pray and you will get out of that funk.

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  97. Glad you came back to tell us all what's up, but please don't feel bad about being away. Without a happy, healthy you, this blog couldn't even happen! I hope you are able to work through everything that's going on and do eventually return to us. If that's in a couple of weeks, awesome, if it takes longer, that's ok too. I went through your last post's comments and did see some totally uncalled for comments (left anonymously from a coward) What I saw more, though, is that so many people come to your blog to feel better with your happy nail designs and we can only do that because of you! Lots of love and luck.

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  98. I believe there are tons of people like me, people who check your blog almost daily since you've stopped posting..wondering when something would show up not perse nails but just something to know the person behind was still there..
    you know, when I was (how do you call in in english? inpatient treatment? i dont know..) there was a wall where someone had written 'if you can't see your friends it is because they are standing behind you'
    you have a whole underground fanbase rooting for you girl<3

    the light will shine. it always does.
    it won't always be like this.
    I don't know (for me but also for you) when it ends.
    but it will end.
    and it WILL be okay.
    goddammit it just has to ><

    okay I will feel stupid for posting this and ashamed because it is probably not what you need now.
    but I'm anonymous so^^ jeej..

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  99. OMG, I'm so glad to see you post.
    I'm sorry you're having issues, I hope you can get it straightened out. I've dealt with a lot of issues with my boyfriend (He's borderline) so I understand to a point, and I've had issues myself.

    I'm glad you're alive, I was worried about you.

    My thoughts are with you.
    I would never unadd you.

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  100. Sending even more reader love your way. Take your time, come back full force when you're ready. Be proactive in getting on that path to betterness - we all know you can do it! Hang in there.

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  101. and sorry if my english sucks.. I'm from holland and it is almost midnight now..

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  102. Erika, I do read you from Brussels, don't event think that your readers may be mad or hate you !
    Feel better, that is your goal now, we will wait and hope one day you will come back, happy and stronger !
    Take care,

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  103. Hi Erika!

    You absolutely don't need to apologize to any of us! I think you're very brave for sharing this story with us and I sure do hope you're feeling better soon...

    Take care girl!

    ♥ Kim

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  104. You take care of what you need to take care of, and we'll be here when you get back. ((hugs))

    I do miss your blog posts tho! :)

    April in Florida

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  105. *hugs*

    Erika, it was nice just to hear from you :) I'm so sorry about your present situation! I wish you nothing but the best and a speedy recovery!

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  106. You have a very supportive group here! Don't worry, we just want to see you happy, healthy and well.

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  107. I understand completely! You needed to do what you needed to in order to recover. I also suffer from depression/anxiety and it can be rough. I couldn't believe that people could be angry with you due to the lack of updates. Your blog is very creative and inspiring! You're definitely not alone. You have many supportive followers. Also, you don't have to apologize for anything at all. Feel better soon!

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  108. Sending you big hugs and lots of strength to pull you though this. I completely understand how anxiety can just have you stuck in a never ending circle and make you think and feel things that you don't want. I have anxiety too but luckily I have my mom to help keep me somewhat together when I feel crazy. I really hope that everything works itself out for you :) it just takes time. I also don't think anyone is mad at you for not posting for a while. It's okay, you don't have to feel bad or anything just know that people love you and are here to support you :) love you lots and lots!!! <3 take all the time you need

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  109. Just wanted to tell you how much your beautiful manicures and endlessley helpful tutorials have inspired me this year. I'm chronically unwell and am prone to anxiety problems so you absolutely have my support and sympathy. I check your blog regularly and have been really rather saddened to see some of the comments during your absence - I think some people have their priorities completely wrong. Take all the time you need to feel better, just know there's one little fan here whose life you have changed for the better :)

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  110. It's alright Erika and you're not alone! There are so many fellows who suffer the same way you do, so please don't feel guilty. It's not your fault, it's just the way it is and I hope the best for you and your life. And of course I totally look forward to maybe see some more fascinating manis from you in the (hopefully) near future. :)
    Just take care and especially take all the time you need!

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  111. hey Chloe,

    I'm a new follower, and I just want to say you have (at least) my full support and many other's support, i'm sure.

    blogging is a community thing and you shouldn't care what the haters and unfollowers say or do.
    if they get annoyed cos you have some personal issues,. then they should GTFO tbh :)

    hope you make that call soon, and feel tooooonnes better for your family :)

    x

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  112. sending you much love and support! you have been a major inspiration to me...you are amazing and lovely and i for one, will continue to read your lovely blog and look at all your beautiful work and send you good thoughts of healing....always <3

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  113. Hey Erika,

    I am so happy to hear from you. Your reasons for taking a break are completely valid and anyone who could ever try to make you feel bad about about it is a jerk. Take all the time you need and know that there is more to life than nail polish, blogging and followers. Keep yourself first, always. I'll be waiting for your next post but even if it never comes I just want to wish you the best. Hugs to you, the hubs and Chloe.

    Much love from Canada,

    Vee

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  114. I was wondering if something had happened to you! Glad to hear you are trying to get better. I have a very close family member that suffers from depression and something people always tell him is to get over it. Well I don't suffer from it but I KNOW it's not something you just get over! It takes time alot of time and you may never be 'healed" from it but you try to learn to keep it under control. It took a lot of courage to tell us what you are going thru so do not think for one second we hate you! If someone hates you because you took time away to try to keep yourself sane then they have no idea what it's like! I pray that you can get the courage to make that phone call but do not beat yourself up over it or the blog!! We will be here when you get back..those of us that truly care. :)

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  115. Hey Erika.
    Congratulations for having the courage to keep fighting what puts you down. My mother has social phobia, and it's hard for her to have people around, so she doesn't have the strength to fight it.
    Your fans will never leave you! Get well, on your own time!
    XoXo

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  116. I never comment, but I want to offer my support and agree with all these lovely ladies above me. Read their comments and know that you are loved and appreciated and not taken for granted. I enjoy reading your blog, but if you never posted another picture again I would be OK if I knew you were happy and healthy. Get better, take your time and keep us updated hun.

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  117. Sending you prayers and hugs!! I don't think anyone is mad at all, everyone was just very worried about you. I understand what you're going through and wish you the best. You have a lot of support here and I hope it helps you. ()

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  118. props to the sweet hubby Jack for taking care of you! He knows we <3 you!!! ty for having the courage to speak up Ericka, I am sure it was hard after your absence. We are all here when you feel up to it again. much support to you <3

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  119. Calling is really hard - at least when you give up you don't have think about it any more. It's one thing knowing what you ought to do, it's another thing having to deal with it. :/

    Good luck.

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  120. As a former severe anxiety sufferer, I understand where you're coming from. Make the call and get yourself feeling better! Just take baby steps. Remember that we're all here to support you!

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  121. I am sorry to hear what you are going through. People very close to me have gone through this same thing, as well as me to a certain extent, and I will hope and pray you get better soon.

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  122. Glad to hear from you, just to know you're still alive! I'm sorry to hear about your depression and anxiety and I hope you'll have enough strenght to make the call. From my own experience the first call is the hardest one, but once you get that done things hopefully start going forward a bit easier.

    I was going fast downhill with my depression a few months back, being really bad with anxiety and I thought I wouldn't be able to take much more. I never had the strenght and courage to call a doctor to get things better but getting a new job helped me up for a while.. now I can feel like the depression is getting back again and I don't know what to do if it gets as bad as it was since my boyfriend doesn't seem to quite understand how my mind works when I'm really depressed.. ._.

    You should take all the time you need and not worry about blogging - those who can't wait for you to get well are not needed here anyway! :3

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  123. I'm just glad you're okay. I suffered from PostPartum Depression after my first daughter was born, I actually had to be hospitalized twice. Please don't worry about the blog. Anyone who has even a shred of humanity will react to your post by thinking "You know, it's a lot more important for her to take care of herself and her REAL LIFE issues before worrying about something on the internet".

    I know how hard it is to make the first call. Just know that you are brave and strong for opening up on your blog about what you're dealing with. Hang in there, it will get better.

    If you want to, you can check out my blog. It's about what I've dealt with with my PPD and has links to other resources about mental/emotional health. There's a whole community out there on the internet that can and will support you if you let us. http://journeythroughppd.blogspot.com

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  124. Glad your okay, I've really missed reading your blog. I've been depressed to the point where I don't move much most days, I was even on meds then! I found a new doctor and she has helped tremendously! I hope you find the thing that will help you to feel better soon, and all the readers would wait forever to see your beautiful nail designs and be perfectly patient!

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  125. Thanks so much for stopping in and letting us know you are ok. I know I speak for the entire nail blogging world when I say we were all worried about you. Obviously you can see by the sheer number of comments you have received that you were missed.

    Your blog will still be here when and if you feel well enough to return so take all the time you need to get well and know that you are on our minds.

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  126. Im glad to hear from you! I can imagine that you are going through very tough times, Im a little bit fatallistic and even thought of something worse....There was no way someone who wrote every day just happened to stop doing it without an important reason...
    I think time and patience are on our side, you need to take care of youself, first for you and then for your family...

    I would also like to say that you inspired me completely on this world of nail art, thanks to your blog Im now completely obsessed!! I love it!!! I spend many hours now doing it, and im progressing every day!

    Yours is the best nail blog, great style, almost perfect!!!

    I really hope that you get better!!! Thanks for making us very happy with your blog!!!

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  127. Woo hoo great to hear from you!!!!! :)

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  128. Will always be a follower! :) hugs*

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  129. Don't be sorry! Depression is hard to deal with. I've been there. You just do what you need to do to get better. You will get there. Don't give up hope.

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  130. Erika I am so happy to see a post from you! My eyes bugged out when I saw it, like OMG could it be?! I thought you just stopped blogging, I had no idea what was going on. You have always been one of my favorite blogs and such an inspiration to me. I love your nails and the creative manis you show us. Thank you so much for letting us know what was going on and that you will be back eventually. DO NOT APOLOGIZE and whoever is mad needs to get over themselves! Take all the time you need to get better! We will be here for you when you are ready! <3

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  131. Erika,
    Just for you to write this blog post has shown that you have to will to do it. Just try bringing it along with you and make the call!!!
    AND.....we won't hate you or unsub you...don't worry!! You'll get better YOU WILL!! You have the WILL and COURAGE which are the PRIMARY INGREDIENTS to HEALTH!!

    XOXO
    huey

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  132. Sweetie, Don't worry about all of us....I have been dealing with severe depression my entire adult life. No, I don't know your issues and everyone is different and handles their crap differently...but I know those "hide from everyone" and "checked out" feelings well! Keep your world within the range that you can deal with for now...If your world needs to stay small and blog-free to get better...do it. Like I say, don't worry about us, worry about who is important-you and your immediate family.
    Make the call, go to one Dr. any Dr, and if it helps, take your hubby to the doc with you for moral support. He's been with you through the worst and he can maybe help you advocate for yourself with your new Dr. *hugs* and hang tight, Things will get better, but it takes a tiny step at a time....sometimes very tiny, dear lady :0)

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  133. Wow people are horrible! I am mad for you that people are upset that you took a break from your blog. I have horrible anxiety and depression I know how bad it sucks :( Try and keep ya head up and get better!

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  134. I'm so glad you updated. I had no idea what was going on but I would never get angry at anyone for not updating their blog. I'm sorry if other's got angry at you, especially not knowing what your situation is. Life's rough and sometimes we all just need a break. Unfortunately not everyone has the same responsibilities as others and just can't understand what some people go through on a daily basis.

    Anyways, I'm here to support and encourage you (I think most of your followers are). Take care of yourself and update us whenever you have time (((hugs)))

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  135. Don't worry about us, take care of yourself first. I LOVE this blog but nail polish is supposed to be a fun hobby, not something that gives you anxiety. Don't feel obligated to post if you don't feel up to it. I've struggled with depression for years, I know how hard it can make even the simplest things. Take care!

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  136. Hi Ms Erica! Glad to hear from you. Know that you are not at all alone.and i for one am not mad about your break (was getting a little worried-hoping you were ok)but I am a fairly new follower to your blog, and fell in LOVE at first sight. I have been looking at all your older posts-kind of catching up for the past 4 months. I do wish you much success getting to your happy place.It took me about 5 different doctors, ten different meds, and a few special trips to alternitive therapy places. But i finally found what works for me :) you'll get there it just takes trying new stuff (as scary as that is for me) and you'll find a sense of peace.It can come from the smallest most unusual things.I'm forever stubmling across new things that help me out:)Finding this blog and seeing all your amazing mani's is one of my new coping statagies. I have purchased about 150 new polishes since finding your blog:) You are soo creative and inspiring! Glad everything is ok (well getting back on track). Take care of YOU! We will still be here if and when you are ready to come back:)

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  137. we're still here when you feel like coming back. get better :D

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  138. As someone who appreciates your amazing creativity and skill, and also as someone who has experienced debilitating anxiety and depression - and ALSO has a difficult time keeping down antidepressants - this blog post makes me like you even more, not less. I hope your find all of these supportive, loving comments as just that...and not pressure to post.

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  139. Take as long as you need. I know how you feel with the depression and kind of the anxiety. It can be hard to get help for it, and it's hard to deal with it and all the other things life throws at you. What matters is that you're okay. The blog can wait. Your health is more important. Stay strong, feel better (:

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  140. Sheesh! You don't owe anyone anything. It's very considerate of you to write this post. But, this is your blog and it's for ENTERTAINMENT purposes. If people are going to HATE on you because you took time off from entertaining them, then I say F*CK them! Take care of yourself and get better soon.

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  141. Even though you've been away I've still been checking your blog on a regular basis... cuz you've got such gorgeous nails! And I enjoy going through your older posts. ;)

    I could never be angry with you or any other blogger who goes MIA. Please don't ever feel that way! As much fun as blogs are to read, there are sooo many other important things that can take precedence at any given moment. I completely understand your absence (I too suffer from depression and know what it's like). You need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Sending healing thoughts and prayers your way. ;)

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  142. Don't apologise for being away, it's what you needed to do. But it is goo dto have you back

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  143. I love your art so much! Life is tough. We have alot more in common that just a passion for nails. I don't know you and you don't know me but I hope the best for you because I know you are probably a super strong person and have had to be and maybe all this is an after effect of stress. Hang in there and I am praying God gives you peace and comfort.

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  144. I just want you to know you are very a very talented nail artist and probably talented in many other areas as well! Don't listen to the negative things other people have to say about you, they don't matter. I hope you find the right doctor and medications to make you feel better! You are amazing!

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  145. Erika,
    We love you. Take care of yourself first! This is only nail polish. I've personally learned to stop apologizing for myself - it has been a personal breakthrough.

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  146. You're so brave for making this post. I know that first step - that phone call - is definitely one of the hardest, but it only gets better from there. We all missed your posts (because they're so awesome) but your health, your family, and your comfort come before us. Just know that you can take your time to recover, and that we will welcome you with open arms when you return. :)

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  147. I'm so sorry to hear about the troubles you been having. I find it absolutely absurd anyone could have the audacity to say negative things about you because you've had to deal with health issues. That's terrible! But please remember you have a ton of supporters and we all want you to get as healthy as you can! So take all the time you need. I, and many many others will be happily waiting for you.

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  148. I subscribed to this blog's feeds and had some lovely time looking at your beautiful nail polish pictures. Thankyou so much.

    I wish you the best. Take care.

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  149. Holy cow! Look how many people have your back! You can't keep sinking when you've got so much love and support! I hope you find within these comments the motivation to make that call - you have given us so much joy and inspiration with your posts - please take what you need from our collective well-wishes and good vibes, and use our encouragement to keep rising above the depression. That is the least we can give back to you. Know that we care, and post when you are ready. Thank you for keeping us in the loop. We were worried, and it is good to hear that you are hanging in there!

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  150. go on a raw-food diet! it iS the most healthy way to live. even if you just eat 80% raw daily, it will heal AND cure SO many of your issues. (raw food diets provide your body with an extreme abundance of enzymes which ARE nature's Fountain of Youth) And try flower essences. (this is the best brand I have found, FES, and they REALLY DO HELP! After taking anti-depressants, then getting-off of them & trying to figure it out on my own, then getting on herbal anti-depressants.. in the end, flower essences made the biGGest impact on my mental processes, BECAUSE they actually work on an emotional level, by bringing out the issues that are actually the underlying cause OF the depression/anxiety, and give you support to work-through and heal the issue. They are truly amazing!)
    http://www.fesflowers.com/fes-store/
    and..
    http://www.fesflowers.com/pdf/Choosing_Flower_Essences.pdf
    Sometimes modern medicine just doesn't do it. Most modern prescription drugs only cover-up the symptoms and actually cause more unwanted symptoms (like weight gain and extremely poor memory and focus)..
    go natural. change your diet, and change your treatments.. what have you got to lose?

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  151. I am so sorry for everything that you are going through and hope you are able to find a new doctor quickly who will be more helpful.this post was very brave and I hope served as gettig you one step closer to healing by getting it all out. I love your blog and wouldn't unfollow just because of a little radio silence! We all have lives and needs and you should never be ashamed to put them first on your list of priorities! Again I hope things get better foryou and please dot feel stressed about blogging and don't come back till it will make you happy!

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  152. I'm sorry to hear that, and I understand where you're coming from.. my boyfriend has severe anxiety. Don't worry, I could never unfollow you!
    I hope things get better.

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  153. take care i really hope you get better and things work out , you don't sound crazy , things happen and sometimes its hard to deal with everything but just remember that you are loved and there are so many people who care about you , i wish you all the best , get better .




    All the Best,
    Chrissy

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  154. I'm so sorry to hear you've been going thru hard times. Don't give up looking for a way to make yourself feel better. Please try here--> http://www.naturalcures.com/ That's where I found the answer to my own (weight, not depression) issues. All good things to you. =)

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  155. Getting angry about someone not blogging? Seriously? People get angry? Jeez, what losers.

    Hope you get better soon! For your sake. And your family.

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  156. I couldn't even imaging getting mad at someone for stepping away from their blog for a while. Life, health concerns, family, jobs... What have you all happen.

    I am sorry that you have had such a rough time of it. I hope that you have brighter, better days ahead. Hang in there and take care of yourself. Your blog and your readers will be here when you feel ready to return.

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  157. Oh pour thing. I can't imagine why I should get angry because you're not bloggin very often. My dear God are there really such people out there?

    I'm really sorry to read that you're going true such a rough time. Hopefully you'll be feeling a bit happier soon.

    Don't you worry, I won't unfollow you at all.

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  158. Oh my god Erika, I got tears in my eyes after reading this. I can't imagine anyone being mad at you for not blogging. I missed your post and amazing manicures, but I'm glad your getting better now :) Jack sounds like a keeper, being so supportive and helping you.

    I hope you have brighter days ahead of you, just make the call. A second opinion will never hurt :)

    Hugs :)

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  159. Erika that was an amazingly brave post and I can assure you that I'm still a devoted reader of your blog. I've struggled with depression and ADHD for years so I have some idea of how you're feeling and I totally do the avoidance-guilt dance when I'm in a depression spiral.

    I hope you manage to find something that works for you, whether it's drugs, therapy, meditation etc.

    Best wishes and hugs

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  160. Erika - Your blog was one of the first I followed. You are an inspiration to many! There are plenty of other bloggers (me included!) that suffer from depression. I completely understand what you are going through. If you EVER need to talk, just PM me on MUA or send me an email. :) You will get through this and be a stronger woman because of it -- I promise!

    Best of luck with everything Erika!

    - Aly

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  161. I'm relieved to know that you are alive !
    I wish everything will be better for you !
    *Hugs* from France ;-)

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  162. Your nail art skills are amazing. You do a fabulous job and have given me and everyone else inspriation and great ideas.

    You are so brave to share this with us. Warm wishes sent your way.

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  163. I couldn't even imagine being upset at you for going on a hiatus for a while. I checked back a couple of times a week, and when I saw that there were no updates, I'd always just think, "Even if she never updates again, I just hope she's alright." I think all of your readers here felt the same way. Nobody's upset that you left, we're all just glad that you're alive. <3 I know you're going to make it through this, but I'm so sorry that you even have to. Take all the time you need. :)

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  164. Take as much time as you need to get better.

    I recently went through almost the exact same thing, but I ended up thinking about suicide. I would never ever wish my anxiety and depression on anyone, and I really hope you start to feel better soon. If ever you need someone to vent to, you can send me an email, I promise to listen (well, read) and try my hardest to support you so that you can get back to doing what you love.

    I want to leave you two little quotes that have helped me a lot.

    "Everything will turn out okay in the end. If it's not okey, then it's not the end."
    and
    "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right."

    I wish you many "Little Engine That Could" moments, and I hope "I think I can" becomes one of your mantras. We all want to see you get better, whether you continue the blog or not.

    I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

    Sarah. <3

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  165. Praying for you and hoping you get better. Hang in there and don't worry about anyone but you and your family. We are all behind you hoping for a recovery and solution to your trials.
    sending love to you from texas
    Melanie

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  166. I completely understand. I also suffer from depression and anxiety. Doing anything is extremely hard, even making phone calls. I hate making phone calls. I hate meeting new people. Even seeing old friends is difficult. Everything is difficult. I understand what you are going through. BUT I am trying to work through it. I am trying to do better, and trying to realize that nothing is as bad as it seems. Knowing that somebody else is going through the same thing as I am makes me feel better. I have always been afriad to talk about it, so I admire your courage to let everybody know whats going on. Thank you for letting me know that there is somebody else out there that understands what im going through. I wish you luck and I hope we both learn how to control it better. Remember there are people out there that love you. Be healthy for them.

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  167. Sorry you're going through all this! I miss your blog posts and would love for you to continue with it. You're super talented and awesome! Hope everything turns out well for you! Your real followers will be patiently waiting for your return, don't worry!;)

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  168. Best of luck to you. As much as I (and clearly a bunch of others) love your blog, it's important that you put your family and your health first. I give you props for posting this and showing your strength. If and when you're ready to come back, I will welcome you with open arms, figuratively of course. ;)

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  169. Bravo to you for making the first big step and telling your story. Feel better, we are all here sending happy thoughts to you as you make your way through the darkness.

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  170. Bah! Don't worry about us Erika. I had something very similar to me and I went on a YouTube hiatus for months as well. When you're in that state it's hard to do anything for yourself. But you need to do what you need to do for yourself and your daughter. Life happens. :)

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  171. You are a wonderful brave woman. You do what you need to get better - I am sending hugs your way! You have taken a brave step by discussing depression and I thank you for it. You come back when you are ready and we'll all be here, cheering you on!

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  172. I know what you're going through and I applaude you for being able to post that publicly. I was just diagnosed bi polar and am having to adjust to new medications and trying to accept that I have that mental illness. I'm glad your back!

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  173. Sending you love! No pressure, no anger, come back when you're ready :) We'll all be here with hugs and nail files in hand xoxo

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  174. How brave of you to post! You take care now girl, we'll see you around whenever posting feels good for you.
    Love, light and peace of mind, *hugs*

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  175. Erika,

    It is so good to hear from you. I e-mailed you because I missed your posts, but could never imagine you were facing health issues. That´s sad. I send all my love and support from Brazil, hoping that you can feel stronger each day. This big step you´re taking now is a very good sign for a better future. Take care, huh!

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  176. Take care of yourself first, dear. I would never unfollow you :) you are the reason I made my own blog! :D

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  177. Erika, I'm sorry you are feeling so low - I hope you start feeling better soon!! I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say we were not angry, only worried for you. Sending you love and happy thoughts from the UK x

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  178. Erika, I sincerely hope you start feeling better soon. I agree that no one could be mad at you, and that we all miss you dearly. I actually threw my hands up in the air and yelled "YES!!" when I saw that you had posted! Please take care of yourself first and foremost, and get to us when you can! We are all loyal and would always wait around to see your talents!

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  179. I understand exactly what you are going through. I dealt with postpartum depression after my first child. You don't owe us anything. This blog is not more important to your health. Please take care of yourself for you and your family. Especially your child. It hurts their little hearts to see you hurting. Sod make that call for her.
    I love your blog and you are so talented. I hope that you do feel well enough to come back!
    Please take care. I will never "unfollow" you! Get well soon!

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  180. Take all the time you need! I am a new follower and I love your blog enough to wait for you to be okay! Health comes first and once you are ready to call, everything will get better, trust me!

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  181. Anxiety is such a hard battle, I too suffer from anxiety and just started seeking help and it has helped me tremendously. Seeing a psych and taking meds has brought my life back on track, but making that first initial step by making that appointment is the hardest part. Anxiety can rule your life, but you can't let it, you are strong and although I do not know you I know you can battle this and rise above it. If you ever need a lending ear or a friend to help you through it please reach out to me. I truly feel your pain and know how important it is to have a support. <3

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  182. Wow, I'm glad that everyone supports you here! It's silly of people to get mad at you for not posting for a while. Above everything, please take care of yourself first! Take all the time you need, I'm sure your readers will wait patiently for your return :)

    Good luck with everything! I'm not religious, but I will keep your well-being in my thoughts. *hug*

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  183. Take all the time you need and take care of yourself, you will be in my thoughts and prayers :)

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  184. Erika, we love you! I hope that you're able to find the right doctor and the right treatment to make you feel better. I understand the anxiety about posting after disappearing from the blog, but it's about your health and happiness so you post whenever you feel ready. We're all here for you :)

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  185. I'm a girl from Portugal and I never stopped follow your blog! Be strong and take care of you! We will be here waiting!

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  186. i really hope you get the help you need. I know it can be very difficult to overcome I've been through this and it does get better. I will never be one of those "happy" people but at least now i feel like a person again, i dont feel guilty about not being perfect and i can have fun without ruining it for myself (and others in the process) I still feel sad for no reason sometimes but when i do i MAKE myself do something that makes me happy, like read your blog! I love it and it truly helps keep MY mind off those pesky dark thoughts floating around. I know you can find the joy again, its in the same place its always been, inside you. Look for it and remember to keep it in the foreground. Lots of love
    Izzy

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  187. Please do not apologize. If you have to spend some time away from this blog to take care of yourself that is perfectly okay. Your faithful followers will be waiting.

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  188. Sending you hugs and get well wishes

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  189. Oi, Erika. Eu queria que você soubesse que você não está só, faz o que o Jack pediu e liga. Eu tenho amigos com depressão e eu mesma já tive início de depressão e sei o que você tá passando. Se quiser, abandona o blog, mas não abandona a si mesma. Deus está do teu lado, agindo através do teu amigo Jack e te orientando e apoiando. Coloca tua fé nele, que só ele pode te trazer paz. Fiz questão de escrever em português pra você ver que tem até pessoas de outros países orando por você e desejando sua melhora. confia no Pai, só ele vai te livrar. Marca um médico e se cuida, confia nisso e acredita, pois se você não acreditar você não vai melhorar. Ficarei esperando o post trazendo a notícia da sua melhora. Fica com Deus e procura a ajuda dos teus amigos. Meu nome é Mariana, acompanho o blog tem apenas dois dias e sou do Brasil

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  190. I'm a new follower to your blog and appreciate your previous posts. I also suffer from depression and anxiety so understand what you are going through. It's tough. You can get through it. Baby steps.

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  191. we love you!! just work on you and well be happy that youre better!

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  192. There are lots of us out here who suffer with depression and anxiety. It truly wrecked my life before I got help. Don't let it kick your butt - there is a med out there to help you, just keep looking. Two divorces and bankruptcy later (the "wrecking" part), I've been stable for 9 years now - you can get here too. Sending lots of good, supportive, positive energy your way. You can do this! :) Big hug.

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  193. I don't really know HOW to comment on this, you've been so brave to post this and have already received lots of wonderful comments. I've been at that bottom myself few years back, and I understand how the circle continues. The important thing is to speak to others about how you feel, there is a lot more people who are going or have gone through the same things you are right now than you expect. Don't feel bad for not posting, we understand. Certainly don't feel obligated to answer all these comments, it would be one hell of a workload even for someone who has the energy for that. :)

    You'll make it!

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  194. Obviously us readers do not know you personally, but please know that I am thinking about you, and I honestly hope you can figure out your problems so that your life is enjoyable again!
    Depression is tough, and it is a really rough cycle. I always try not to stress about things that don't really matter:), which is easier said than done, but it keeps me grounded.
    On a side note, I really cant wait for you to start posting again!
    -Jessica

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  195. To all the bitches who un-followed, fuck you! I kept coming back here about once a week, just because I was worried about you. I kept waiting for some news. Thanks for providing that. Take all the time you need and forget the losers who don't understand. You're not alone.

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  196. Do what you need to do to get back to what makes you happy. :)

    I'm one of those who quietly came back to check in on this blog fairly often, and I kept you in my thoughts. I'm glad to see that while things aren't 100% for you right now, you are still here.

    I always regretted not getting help as a teenager, when I really needed it. It's hard to accept that you need help sometimes, and going through a process you've been through before is tedious and annoying...but in the end, it is so worth it. For you, for your daughter, and for your husband.

    Here's a little quote that helps me get out there when I'm wanting to give up:
    What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

    Keeping you in my thoughts. <3

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  197. as someone that suffers from major depressive disorder, anxiety, social anxiety and severe panic attacks i whole heartedly understand what you're going through <3 after a lot of trials i've finally seemed to have found a decent med combo that is helping me function a lot easier. i hope the absolute best for you, i know it's possible and i really hope you keep trying. it's good that you have a support system as well. keep trying as hard as it is and i promise most of us will and are patient with you <3333

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  198. I'm actually a NEW follower since your "disappearance"!!!! I love your nail art, and I wanted to more or less bookmark your blog, so I followed. Now, you have a real fan in me... your post was super-brave, honest, and relatable. I have MDD, GAD and PTSD... and I deal with the same thing with my blog. In fact, it's been a while since I've posted anything. :-\
    Hang in there! I'll be praying for you <3

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